i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
