ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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