I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize