I hate your face
Do you still have your period?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My vagina just recognized that song.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry about my life...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
