I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh god it's open bar.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
