I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
