He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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