She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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