Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
