Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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