Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize