just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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