By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
