Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
