someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
