Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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