how can u be prego again
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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