either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Randomize
