Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
