I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
