I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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