Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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