I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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