Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
