Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
