I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
