True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
