Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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