Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
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Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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