He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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