This is not my ceiling
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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