someone get that fucking seahorse.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dear god my vagina.
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