hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
