bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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