Got a toothbrush?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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