Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
