i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
