3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
