I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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