It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
