i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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