i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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