I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
