tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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