His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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