I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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