everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Still dying that you shit outside
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
