Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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