the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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