I can text with my tongue
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
