Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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