omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
