mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
