Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
