I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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