Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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