You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
be right there i have to get my cape
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