i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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