Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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