does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
