Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
