I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
