In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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