I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
