Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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