Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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