I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
